Loss and Grieving

 

Bereavement is the state of having suffered a loss. Bereavement involves being deprived of anything a person perceives to be important. Loss of employment, divorce, death, and changes in identity all involve loss.
 
Grief is the reaction to the loss itself. Feelings such as shock, anger, guilt, helplessness, and depression are common reactions. Grief is also a process involving many changes. The bereaved move through their grief by acknowledging the loss, confronting their pain, integrating the loss into their lives, and by honoring what has been lost.

 

Have you experienced a loss?
 
Things to know…
  • Grief is a very private and individual process. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own time – but you do not have to do it alone.
  • There are no right or wrong emotions.
  • Crying and releasing emotions is our body’s way of processing loss and it is a natural part of the grieving process. Other people may experience nightmares and flashbacks. This is also normal.
  • Grief can be physically exhausting: one hour of grieving can be comparable to several hours of hard physical labor.
  • When someone experiences a loss in their life, additional losses often occur as a consequence. Their impact can be just as devastating as the primary loss. For example, when an intimate relationship dissolves there can be a loss of financial resources, access and relationships to family, identity, and mutual friendships to name a few. 
 
 
Coping with Loss…
 
  • Exhaustion due to stress makes you very susceptible to illness. Pay attention to physical needs of nutrition, rest and exercise.
  • Feeling of being weighted down (“lead in my boots”) is common. Do not suppress tears; they are healing and help lift the load.
  • Pamper yourself. Sleep in, read, watch late television, buy yourself a gift.
  • Seek the support of someone who has been through something similar.
  • Respect your own need for private space and time.
  • Avoid making major life decisions within the first year of the loss unless absolutely necessary.
  • Cultivate a good sense of humor; you may be surprised and appreciative of the amusing thoughts that come to mind.
 
You do not have to go through this alone. If you need someone to talk to in order to process, call the 24-hour Distress Line at 482-HELP (4357).
 
 
Are you supporting someone who is grieving?
 
Ways to help…
 
  • Talk to them. A grieving person needs the opportunity to talk about the loss.
  • Recognize that loss can involve much more than death: divorce, mental health diagnoses, etc all involve loss.
  • If the loss is a death, do not be afraid to mention the loved one’s name and to ask about the death (e.g., how the death occurred, when it occurred).
  • Give the bereaved person permission to grieve. Offer the person support, but also give them the time to think and grieve.
  • Do not assume that someone is over their grief because they do not show outward signs. Check in with how they are feeling about the loss.
  • When supporting someone grieving a death, recognize that anniversaries associated with the loss are common triggers.
  • Ask how they coped or how they are coping now.
  •  If you are concerned they need further support, encourage them to call the 24-hour Distress Line at 482-HELP (4357).

Last updated: November 3, 2008